“Focus on loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.”
You know what’s beautiful? This moment right here. This moment of listening to your body. This moment of releasing negativity and welcoming positivity. To really take the time to soak in this moment is something that I never took time to do before. I was more focused on finding a partner. And when that didn’t work. I would spend my time crying and thinking that there must be something wrong with me. If I wasn’t thinking that. I was thinking why do I always end up dating guys who have no intention of wanting a relationship. . .
I lost love and my health. Now that I’m single, I have an opportunity to do all the things I put off while I was putting all my energy into my relationships. I have to believe that I will eventually have the things I lost, but for now I’m taking this time to enjoy myself and complete myself. I had enough of taking in people that don’t have good intentions. I don’t know what came over me this year.
But this new energy feels damn good. I now take time for myself. Sit in a room and eliminate everything around me. Focus only on my breathing for 15 minutes. I went from 15 minutes to 30 minutes. I found myself healing my mind with meditation. The practice of not thinking of the past or the future reduced. This helped me forget about my past relationships. Leave it far behind and focus on the present. This also made it easy for me to let go of people who no longer made me happy or helped me grow.
And that’s when I decided that person who should help me grow and be happy starts within me. I have been catering to myself. And there’s now shame in that. When i’m feeling emotional in any way. I jot it down in my journal. Writing every emotion down forced me to learn things about myself I either didn’t know or did know but I always brushed it off and ignored it. Now I embrace that I am sensitive. I always labeled sensitivity as weakness. But it isn’t and it shouldn’t be. This is my time of reflection. This is the time of acceptance and letting go.
I have my days when i feel alone and would like to have a partner to talk to when i’m feeling down. But I have a good support system. Spending time with my friends and siblings relaxes me. And now that I’m single, I have even more time to devote to being there for them. I believe that everything in life is a process. When something dramatic and fast hits us, it will take time to process it and start over. I am starting over. I still have a lot to learn, understand, and explore. I sometimes need to be reminded to be grateful for what I have.
Change comes from within. You alone have to decide if you want that change.